Daddy’s Girl?

I looked at my watch, and it was already after nine.  I had wanted to get back to Kim’s before her mom realized that we were out after the mall closed.  She was very easy on Kim, but I imagined even she had a limit.  I just didn’t want to take any chances.

Romeo and Shani had already been in that room for over an hour, and didn’t give any signs that they might reappear any time soon.  As much as I knew, they had fallen asleep.  I tried to relax, telling myself that Mrs. Easton never really checks up on Kim anyway.  Wasn’t that what I liked so much about her?  I sometimes wished my parents were just like her, except for the fact that I did appreciate how much my parents obviously cared about my safety.  Realizing that Kim’s mom was indeed not likely at all to send a search party to look for us, I allowed myself to calm down enough to watch a documentary on the origins of hip hop music.

That’s when I felt Jason’s hand touch mine.  I jumped when he did, nearly having forgotten he was in the room with me.  He leaned over and tried to kiss me, but I backed away.  He attempted to pull me to him, and I resisted.

“You don’t wanna give me a kiss?  Just one?” he asked, still tugging on my hand.

“I would, but I don’t really know you like that.”

“You got to know me earlier today.”

“That was only for a little while.”

“What else you wanna know?”

“Nothin’ really.”

“Then what’s up then?” He moved closer to me so that he was right up on me, and reached around to grab my hips, pulling me to him.

“I’m just ready to go,” I answered, pushing him away forcefully.

“Well, Romeo’s probably gonna be in there all night anyway, so your ride ain’t leaving any time soon.”

I looked helplessly at the door that Romeo and Shani were behind.  I wanted to go and knock on it, but since Romeo didn’t seem like that friendly a person in the first place, I decided against it.  I considered my other options, the few that there were.  I immediately dismissed the idea of calling family members, they would want too much information.  Public transportation was non-existent in this area, and a taxi would cost a million dollars to take us to Herschel.  I eyed that bedroom door again.

“So whatchu gone do?” Jason asked, still watching me.

It’s not that I wasn’t physically attracted to him, but I just felt kind of thrown into the situation.  I’d literally just met him that very day.  I didn’t even know his last name, not that it would help.  And what did he really know about me?  Nothing that mattered.

“Honestly,” I began, “I just met you.  I don’t know you, you don’t know me.  How do I know you don’t do this all the time, just meet new girls?” Although I was just fourteen at the time, I already thought I knew his type.

“I don’t,” he said, frowning.  “Whatever, girl.  So you gonna just sit here and be bored?”

My anger rose then, but I didn’t answer because I thought I heard a familiar sound outside on the street.

My heartbeat quickened as I got nervous, then the sound continued down the street.  I had been at home by myself enough to know the sound of my parents’ cars pulling into the driveway.  My mother’s Ford sedan had this particularly recognizable hum that was audible whenever she pressed the gas pedal.  That was the sound I heard right before I was about to curse Jason out.

I started to ignore my instinct, thinking there must be thousands of cars that sound the exact same way.  I was being paranoid.  But then, the familiar sound returned in a few seconds and a sweeping light from the approaching car lit up the living room momentarily as it pulled into the driveway.

I jumped up, yelling, “Kim!  Come on, now!  We gotta go!  My parents are outside!”

I don’t know how Kim flew out of that room so fast, but thankfully, she was fully dressed.  She reached the living room just as there was a loud knock at the door.

It had to be my dad.  Only he could make a whole house shake like that from the force of his pounding on it.  Romeo, Shani and Mack emerged from their rooms, all in shorts and tank tops, looking like they just woke up.  When none of them continued to the door, I went to answer it myself.  I decided it probably wasn’t a good idea for one of the boys to answer it.

I glanced over and saw Jason, standing now, looking scared.  What a punk.  They probably think it’s the police, I imagined.  I got the feeling that Romeo didn’t pay for his car by working at a gas station or anything legal.  With any luck, I thought, Dad might not notice the boys standing in the darkened room.

Opening the door felt like a death sentence as I stood there trying to look as innocent as possible, because I knew how bad the situation looked.  Three boys, three girls.  Do the math.  Get ready, I told myself, then I was standing directly in front of my father.

 

The Kissing Game

All day Friday, I was thinking about how Gavin’s visit might go that evening.  I knew my mom would like him because he was such a good-natured person, but would Dad?  It was hard to tell, because even though Dad knew boys who were friends of mine from our old neighborhood, and he liked them, it didn’t mean he would like the idea of me dating them.  Or whatever me and Gavin were doing was called.  Not dating.  Good friends maybe.  In any case, he was the very first boy I was bringing home to meet them. 

I was utterly surprised in the first place that Dad decided to make sure he was available that evening to meet Gavin.  He spent a lot of evenings out with his friends, doing whatever middle-aged men do, I guess.  His being out made for much less arguing between him and Mama, so she didn’t mind at all.  Things were not perfect, but they had definitely gotten better over the years, so I felt comfortable inviting guests over.  I just hoped my parents wouldn’t embarrass me by asking Gavin a bunch of questions like he was my boyfriend who came to ask my hand in marriage or something, especially since we weren’t even a couple. 

I could just picture Dad asking Gavin, “What are your intentions with my baby girl? Because if you hurt her, I’ll track you down and kill you.”

I had to shake the scene out of my head.  Dad wasn’t that crazy.  At least, I hoped he wasn’t.

 

When the last bell of the day rang for us to go home, I quickly gathered everything I needed for the weekend from my locker.  Then I took a deep breath and went to stand in the park-n-ride area of the wide driveway at the front door of the school where kids were picked up by their parents, or girls went to meet their boyfriends to ride in flashy, souped-up cars that they spent all their drug money on to spruce up.  Gavin pulled up thirty seconds later in his black Ford Escort.  I looked around to see if anyone was watching me, as if I was doing something wrong and didn’t have permission.  No one was paying me any mind.  Feeling stupid for being so self-conscious, I walked over to the car, opened the door and got in. 

“What’s up, lady?!”  Gavin greeted me.  “Long time!” He leaned over in his seat to give me a hug.  I was embarrassed, thinking everybody was definitely watching me this, but I hugged him back, enjoying the closeness.

“It hasn’t been that long,” I said as we let go of each other. Then I looked at the other kids walking to the buses as he pulled off.  Still no one was looking. “I just saw you at your game here a couple of weeks ago.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t get to talk to you or anything until I got home and called you.  It’s never been just me and you out somewhere.  We gotta start hanging out, especially after my season is over!”

“That would be nice.” 

I wondered what his girl would think about it.  Even worse, I wondered if he would want me to meet her.  I would be so jealous!

“So tell me how your day went,” Gavin said.

We had our regular conversation on the way to my house while I gave him directions on how to get there.  It flowed just as easily as always, except I was fully aware of his physical presence.  Not just his being next to me in the car, but his fully masculine presence, his essence, his aroma, the bass of his voice as he sat next to me,  engaged in my conversation while focusing on the road.  I could smell what had to be expensive cologne, and if not, he wore it very well.  Cologne on most boys usually smelled like they used half the bottle in an effort to hide that outdoor funk they always seemed to have.  And perhaps it was only due to the confines of the small car, but his voice seemed to reverberate within me.  I began to get all excited just listening to him.  Calm down and look out the window, Desiree, don’t hurt yourself, I thought.  This is not even that kind of party.   That’s better.  Nice shrubbery they got there…oh, someone left their bike in that yard…that house has the prettiest sunflowers in the summer.  What did he just say?

“Huh?” I asked, turning to face him.

“What, were you daydreaming?”

“No, just thinking about something that happened at school.  Almost there,” I said before he could ask me to share.  “Turn left at this next road.”

 

When we finally got to my house, I appreciated once again how the house and lawn looked.  Dad was the best at creating an amazing view of it all.  When we got in, I also appreciated Mama’s tendency to be nearly obsessive about cleanliness.  Funny how I always took these things for granted.  As expected, no one else was home yet.

“Very nice home you got here,” Gavin announced.

“Thanks.  Want something to drink?”

“Sure, what do you have?”

“Mama makes good iced tea, want some of that?  Or apple juice, milk or water?”

“I’ll take iced tea, thanks.”

I turned on the television in the living room and handed Gavin the remote, told him to have a seat on the couch, then went to make us both drinks.  I could hear Prince Dejour on TV talking to a guest on Rap City while I poured.  This isn’t bad, I thought.  I’m not even nervous anymore.  Mama will be home in a little while, and she’s great at entertaining.  When I returned to the living room and sat beside Gavin, handing him his drink, he thanked me, sipped it once, put the glass on the table and turned towards me.  I put my glass down as well.  I didn’t want him watching me drink, because I was clumsy enough to spill it if his eyes were on me.

“You’re right, that tea is good.  So what’s up girl?  Whatchu been up to?”

“What?  You already know, don’t you?  I mean, I talk to you pretty much every day.” 

“Yeah, that’s right, we do talk all the time.  But now we’re right here in the same place, like I was saying in the car.  Isn’t it different with us being here together?  I know it feels different for me.”

“It does? How?” I asked.

“Well, for starters, I can’t do this over the phone.”

I saw it coming, but it still came too fast for me to stop it, not that I would have wanted to.  Gavin leaned in and kissed me, full and deep.  I could feel his tongue on mine, urging me to respond to it, and I did.  It was a long kiss, one that gave me time to wonder where it came from all of a sudden.  And it felt good, and tasted delicious, like strawberry mint gum.  It wasn’t too hard, but was just hard enough to let me know that he knew what he was doing, that he knew how to take control, and when his lips pressed a little harder, I knew that he liked it too.

 

 

Not Like Me At All…

We were about halfway to the front of the mall, walking at a slow stroll, when Gavin himself passed right by us and went into The King’s Music Café.  Tawana saw me eyeing him again. 

“Why is he so tall?!” I said, trying to mask my interest.  Tawana knew better.

“Wanna listen to some music real quick before your mom gets here?” She asked, smirking.  I had to smile.  Tawana knew me way too well in the small amount of time we had become cool with each other.

I glanced at my watch.  Fifteen minutes to go. “Yeah, let’s see what they got.”

We walked into the small shop and I saw Gavin over in the rap section.  I went over to where he was and stood about five feet away, pretending to browse the selection of cassettes and CDs that covered the wall in alphabetical order.  When he finally chose a CD, I hurriedly picked one, too.  Naughty By Nature.  Great, I already have this one.  I would just have to return it later because Gavin’s long strides had him at the cashier already.  What could I say to him?  I thought as I came up behind him.  He had chosen a CD by Onyx.

“Oh is that the one with ‘Slam’ on it?” I asked a little too anxiously.  Stupid question.  Of course it is.

“Oh, yeah, that’s my jam,” he replied, glancing back at me.  Then he turned back around, about to leave.  I realized I was still holding the Naughty By Nature CD in my hand and would need to pay for it in a hurry.  If I just left it on the counter, I would be embarrassed if Gavin overheard the cashier ask me about it and thought I couldn’t pay for it.  I had to get his attention immediately.

“Hey, don’t I know you?  You go to my school or something?” I called to him while I reached into my purse for the money.

Gavin turned at the entrance and faced me.  “I don’t think so,” he said, “but what school do you go to?”

“Herschel.  I’m Desiree.”

“I go to Agnes, but we play yall all the time.  You might have seen me then.  My name’s Gavin.  I have an aunt who works at Herschel.  Ms. Tyler.”

“The librarian?!  Okay, she’s really nice.”  I couldn’t think of anything else to say about her.

“Yeah, I know,” he said with a small smile.  He probably knew I was nervous and I bet he was cracking up inside.  I looked to find Tawana still browsing music, glancing up to check on me, and I turned back to Gavin with my new duplicate CD in hand.  Then, occurred to me.

“My grandmother does Ms. Tyler’s hair.  She owns a salon in Herschel.  Every time Ms. Tyler comes to the salon and I’m there, she gives me a peppermint.  Ever since I was about five.” Grandma Vonnie had owned the small salon on the Reef since my dad was little.

“Oh, that sounds just like her!” Gavin laughed.  “She loves kids, even almost grown ones.  She still offers to bake me a chocolate cake whenever I go to see her.  Well, hey, I gotta go, it was nice talking to you.”  Then he walked away.

I was utterly disappointed.  Gavin must have had a girlfriend because he obviously didn’t want to talk to me, or maybe he just didn’t like me at all.  He hadn’t even thought about asking me for my number.  I felt as rejected as if I had asked him to dinner and a movie and he said no to my face.  He seemed so nice.  Oh well, I thought as I turned to get Tawana who was still in the music store.

Feeling embarrassed, I was formulating what to tell Tawana about what happened, because she was definitely gonna ask me if Gavin had asked for my number.  I couldn’t lie about it, because once I did that, she would continue to ask if he called me.  She looked up at me and started tucking a cassette back in its spot on the wall, when she suddenly stopped moving and smiled, interested in something behind me. 

“Hey, Desiree?” Gavin spoke.  I drew in a breath in surprise as I whipped around to face him. “Why don’t we exchange numbers, keep in touch?  You seem like a cool person.  That is, if you want to.”

Was he kidding? Of course I wanted to!  I didn’t know what it was about Gavin, but I really wanted to learn more about him as a person.  I just needed to seem calm about it.  Calm down, Desiree.

“Sure, we can talk,” I said. He borrowed a pen and scrap of paper from the cashier and we switched numbers.

“I’ll holla at you later then,” Gavin said as he tucked my number in his wallet. 

“Okay,” I said.  As soon as he left, Tawana walked over to me.

“Happy now?” she asked with a big grin.  “I’ve never seen you act like that before…putting yourself out there like that.  Gavin’s alright, though.  He’s real popular, and nice too apparently.  And he can definitely play some ball.”

I wondered what else he could do with those big hands and nice lips…then I had to clear the thought from my mind.  That wasn’t where I wanted to go with Gavin.  But I couldn’t wait for him to call me so I could hear his deep voice in my ear.

“Just tryna be like you, playa!” I said, playfully bumping into Tawana as we left the store to meet Mama out front.

“Whatever!” Tawana said laughing. “Right now, I wouldn’t mind being like you instead.”

Question: Have you ever gone out of your way or behaved in an entirely different way just to meet someone?

 

Back in the day…

Kimberly Easton was a little taller than me, light-brown, and a little heavier. She had pretty dark brown hair and dark, almost black, expressive eyes. She always had lots of friends, but was loyal to a select few and seemed to forever be on top of the latest happenings with the other kids. She was quick-witted and quick-tongued, somehow seeming to talk herself into trouble and back out of it in a hurry. Kim loved herself some gossip too.

“Girl, you see Nelson’s thang stickin’ out through his shorts?!” Kim said one day. “It looked big, didn’t it?” We were walking to our lockers at the end of our sixth period PE class. We were now seventh graders at Herschel Middle.
“I didn’t see it,” I lied, trying to sound dismissive. It was hard to miss. We had played volleyball in class, and the ball nearly hit me in the face one time because I was so busy looking at the print in Nelson’s shorts, imagining how he might look with his clothes off. Then I had spent the rest of the class feeling self-conscious thinking someone had noticed me looking at it.
“I don’t know how you missed it!” Kim continued, too loudly, in the hallway. “He probably wouldn’t know what to do wit’ it anyway!”
“You wouldn’t either!” I joked with her.
“Psst. Whatever!”

We loved singing like the performers on TV, belting the lyrics to the latest popular hits while taking turns with the big wooden spoon we used as a microphone. At Kim’s house, our audience was either her mom, Mrs. Easton, or her cousin Terrence, who was always around. He was a tall, brown-skinned, lanky boy with extra-long arms and legs, and huge feet that he couldn’t seem to help but drag on the floor, scuffing his fresh Nikes. Terrence had sleepy, hazel eyes and his left eyebrow had a natural crook in it that always made him look like he was mad at somebody, although he rarely was. He was the same age as us, in the same grade.
Terrence would sit on the couch and listen to his Walkman, rolling his eyes at us and shaking his head.
“Yall look crazy. That’s not how Salt-N-Pepa do it when they on stage!” he said defiantly one day. “They do like this!”
He took off the headphones to his Walkman and got up to do the dance that the female rap duo originated.
“Ooooh baby baby…baby baby, ooooh baby baby…b-baby baby!” Terrance sang off key.
Me and Kim cracked up as he tried to copy the sexy gyrations they did in the Push It video.
“GO TERRENCE! GO TERRENCE!” we shouted between laughs.
As we played the cassettes over and over while singing our versions of the songs, Mrs. Easton eventually yelled, “Yall go outside RIGHT NOW! I don’t wanna HEAR that mess no more!”
By midnight, we were all worn out and the three of us crashed on top of Kim’s bed as always, snoring away until morning.
Although I talked to her all the time, I still didn’t tell Kim about my curiosity about boys and how I imagined them making me feel, even at times when our conversation was about boys in particular. I was still too embarrassed to let anyone know I even thought about stuff like that. What if I was just weird?

By the time I got to high school, I spent a lot of time just thinking about sex. Still a virgin, I grew more and more curious every day about what my first time would feel like and who it would be with. I had heard from a couple of girls at school that it hurt, but most of them said they liked it.
My parents never mentioned sex to me at all, outside of Mama answering questions I had about my period long before I had it. I got my period back when I was ten.
At fourteen, I felt there was a lot more that I needed to know, but I obviously wasn’t gonna learn it from my parents. They still made me cover my eyes and ears during the love scenes they showed on basic cable television. Sometimes, my dad would jokingly say, “You don’t need to know about those birds and bees yet, do you girl?”
Embarrassed, I would reply, “Eww, Dad, no!”
Maybe I should have taken that as my invitation to ask some questions, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Everything I knew about sex, outside of the dirty movies I snuck to watch sometimes and gossip around school, was whatever was taught in the videos we saw in health class about reproduction and how boys have wet dreams.

Going to high school had brought lots of new boys to look at and girls to talk about them, and I would listen to whatever information they had, trying to decide how much of it was true. Eventually, all the talk about their so-called secrets got old. I decided that when I had some secrets of my own, I would prefer to keep them to myself. That is, up until now.

–The moral of this story is talk to your kids about sex, because everyone else certainly is. A young person’s lack of knowledge could manifest in many negative ways.

Any thoughts or experiences to share?